The Revelations of the Pressed Lemon
by valjanex
Summary: When Quinn Fabray steals a pamphlet from Ms. Pillsbury about sexual orientations, she begins a long journey to discover who she truly is. Oneshot.


**_The Revelations of the Pressed Lemon  
><em>**_a Quinn oneshot._

- **Repression**

- **Questioning**

- **Denial**

- **Acceptance**

_There are, essentially, four steps to figuring out your sexuality, _the pamphlet said. _As listed above: repression, questioning, denial, and acceptance. Your sexuality isn't something you can figure out over night – though the timeline is different for everyone. Some are more open to the idea of their sexuality while others –_

"Quinn!"

The blonde jumps, feeling like she had been caught red handed in the act of doing something bad. She hurriedly shoves the pamphlet in her stuffed backpack. She then gulps and slowly turns around she sees one of the many people she had hoped not to see in this moment: Ms. Pillsbury.

The ginger haired woman gives her a kind smile though her huge, doe-like eyes are curious. She looks confused when she sees the former head Cheerio in her office. Quinn doesn't blame her – Quinn herself really doesn't know what it is she's doing here, either.

"Did you need help with something?" The overly-clean woman asks.

_Yes. _Quinn remembers entering the school that day with an overwhelmingly large urge to talk to someone. Not just anyone, but an adult – an adult who could provide her with answers to her lot of questions.

The weight of the pamphlet seems to burn in her hand as she stutters a response. "N-no I just, um, stopped by to say hello before class started."

"Oh," the confusion clears away from the school counselor's face and she gives Quinn a genuine smile. "Well, that's sweet of you, Quinn!"

The blonde gives a shy, awkward nod. "Well, uh, I think I-I better getting going now."

And before Ms. Pillsbury can reply, Quinn zooms out of the room as fast as her heels would allow her. After she is a safe distance away from the counselor's office, she instantly starts to berate herself.

She couldn't believe how much of a coward she was! She, Quinn Fabray, who was known for getting something when she wanted something – for being bold, fearless – had just slithered away quietly before too many questions could be asked.

But this was so, so different than demanding to be put back on the Cheerios, or wanting to know how to be popular again after a disastrous downfall from the top of the social pyramid – all those things before, she herself didn't really care about other people finding out. But this… if someone was to find out about this (especially her mother) before she was ready… She didn't know what she'd do.

So instead of questioning her actions too much, she puts her bag in her locker, gets her textbooks, and makes her way to first period.

That night, Quinn sat on her bed, turning the pamphlet that she had taken from Ms. Pillsbury's office that day over and over again. She stared at the cover so long her eyes burned, analyzing the bright colors and huge letters, all forming words and a sentence she never would have that would be connected to her.

**_SO YOU THINK YOU'RE GAY?_**

_Yes. No. Maybe. _

She had never been so frustrated or confused in her life!

Quinn was a senior high school, almost eighteen, and she had never given much thought to her sexuality. She had been so caught up with everything else in her life – Cheerios, Glee, school, being pregnant – that she had never given much thought that she might be anything other than heterosexual.

She had assumed while she was growing up that she was heterosexual. Or, rather, she didn't really assume it – she was told it. Told by her father and mother (though more heavily by her father), by her sister Grace, by the people at her church that she was heterosexual. And she had accepted without a second thought that this was true – after all, she was a good girl, wasn't she?

But now… now she wasn't so sure. She wasn't sure if she was heterosexual or if she necessarily believed in the rules she had followed her whole life, wasn't sure that she shared her family and family friends' view on what made a person good or bad.

After all, she was best friends with Santana Lopez and Brittany Pierce. She had always known, of course, that the two girls were more than friends and she never minded. She thought of how her parents and Grace's tones got whenever the topic of homosexuality and homosexuals arose – the disgust, the loathing – and how she felt whenever she was around Santana and Brittany. She never felt disgusted, definitely never felt hatred. In fact, whenever she was around Santana and Brittany and they started being caring and/or affection towards one another, it always made her feel oddly happy and warm – and lonely.

So what did that make her? So, she wasn't strongly homophobic like the rest of her family. That didn't necessarily make her a lesbian, did it? It just meant she supported homosexuality, no big deal. But she couldn't ignore the nagging in the back of her mind that was telling her there was something more.

But before she could dwell on it anymore her mother knocked on her bedroom door and told her to get to bed. Quinn gave a meek 'okay' reply before stashing the pamphlet under the mattress for safe keeping.

**STEP ONE: REPRESSION**

Growing up, Quinn Fabray could definitely get away with saying she was repressed – especially sexually. She didn't really have her own opinions on things for the longest time. She had just sort of picked up her parents opinions on things because when you're little you think everything your parents think is right.

So she did everything to be 'a good girl' to her parents – most importantly, to her dad. Growing up she did, of course, already have high expectations laid before her because of Grace. She stretched herself beyond her limits to be the poster child of good kid. She got straight A's, was president of the Celibacy club, captain of the Cheerios, dated good, Christian boys, and was a shoe-in to become prom queen.

But the pressure became so overwhelming that she had to take it out on someone. Who better than misfit Rachel Berry? And so, with her best friends Santana and Brittany flanking her side, she began to torture Rachel Berry in any and every way possible.

And eventually, she became pregnant with the bastard child of Noah Puckerman.

But even before all that… she had always been repressed. She had never really been Quinn: she was Quinn Fabray, daughter of Russell and Judy Fabray. She was polite, respectful, and responsible. She never used any fowl language and she always wore acceptable, holy clothing – that is, when she wasn't in her Cheerios uniform.

She was repressed, inside and out.

But then there were times when the real Quinn would slip out. Like that one time during sophomore year in Celibacy club when she had made the comment "thank God for the perv that invented these," as one of her fellows Cheerios did twirls in front of her, causing her sinfully short skirt to fly up.

And there was also the slip ups when she was younger (far too young to be consider those moments 'slip-ups'). Like the times in church parties, when the other little girls went to dance with other little boys, and she wanted to stay with the other girls.

Or when all of her other friends started having more-than-friend feeling towards the opposite gender, and all her relationships seemed only about image and control.

It was things like this that confused the _hell _out of Quinn. Who was she, honestly and truthfully? Was she everything her parents had feared she wouldn't be? Or was this all just a phase?

**STEP TWO: QUESTIONING**

It had been a few weeks or so since the incident in Ms. Pillsbury's office and Quinn couldn't get the pamphlet out of her mind no matter how many times she tried. She had reread the pamphlet so many times she had memorized it – if she wasn't a lesbian (which she was ninety-nine percent sure she was), she was for sure bi-curious.

She was also confused. So, so confused – what did it all mean? And how could she be sure?

She was sitting in Glee Club, barely listening as Mr. Schue explained the latest assignment. It must have been something pretty good because the room erupted into many whoops and hollers but she couldn't say she cared as much as she might've before. She was far too distracted.

She lifted her gaze from her hands and met the inquisitive gaze of Kurt Hummel. Of course – Kurt! Kurt would understand and be able to provide her answers far better than Ms. Pillsbury could. She would just have to get Kurt alone, and slip it discreetly into the conversation without blowing her cover.

Feeling a little more confident, she walked out of the room with pep in her step. She approached Kurt and softly tapped on his shoulder.

The soprano turned around with an evident look of surprise on his face. "Why, hello Quinn Fabray. How might I help the old Queen B of the school?"

The blonde sighed. "Really, Kurt, you don't have to talk to me like that. I'm one of you now, and if you're going to help me – which I really need you to – you've 'gotta trust me."

Kurt nodded, silently agreeing. "Alright. What do you want, Quinn?"

Quinn smiled, relieved. She hadn't expected it to be so easy. "Do you have a ride?" The brunette shook his head. "Perfect. Why don't you come with me back to my house? I'll explain everything there – I don't want people overhearing."

Kurt agreed, obviously curious. The two walked out of the choir room in silence and went to Quinn's home in equal silence. After they arrived and Kurt got the common 'wow, this is so nice' out of his system, they climbed up the stairs to Quinn's bedroom.

Barely five seconds after Quinn had closed her bedroom had Kurt started in on her. "So?"

Quinn blinked, startled. Oh God, how did she start this conversation? "Well, you see, Kurt… I-I I, um, have been thinking about s-some things and I –"

"You finally realized you're a pressed lemon?" Kurt's face lit up and he looked positively gleeful.

This was _so _not how she pictured this conversation going.

"How did you…?" Quinn's eyebrows furrowed as she studied Kurt.

The boy scoffed. "Oh, please Quinn; give my gaydar a little credit, would you? You just about broke my gaydar the first time I met you! You and Santana Lopez… couldn't be any gayer if you tried."

Quinn repeated Kurt's words in her mind multiple times before her brain actually comprehended them. "O-okay, uh, see that's the thing. I don't really know if I'm… y'know… a lesbian."

"Ah, the questioning phase. I remember that phase… absolutely sucked," Kurt nodded, remembering. "Let me guess, you've been Googling things like crazy, right?"

Quinn blinked. "Actually, no… I haven't. I, um, stole a pamphlet from Ms. Pillsbury though."

Kurt laughed so hard his face tuned red and he doubled over. "O-Oh my – Ms. Pillsbury? You stole a pamphlet from _Ms. Pillsbury_?"

"Well, it sounded like a pretty good idea to me at the time. And for your information, Kurt, that pamphlet has been very helpful and –"

The brunette's hands flew up in an 'I surrender' motion. "Okay, okay! _Chill_, Fabray! Alright so you stole a-a pamphlet," the boy giggled, "and now you're starting to question. Correct?"

Quinn nodded mutely.

"Okay. So what are you thinking you are, Quinn?"

Quinn groaned. "Kurt, if I had an idea what I was, would I be asking you for help right now?" Kurt gave her a look and she instantly calmed down. "I'm sorry for snapping at you, okay? This is all just so confusing! If I'm being honest I think I might be a…" Quinn lowered her voice unnecessarily, "a lesbian. But I'm not sure."

Kurt nodded in understanding. "Well, there's a couple ways to know. There's the first, obvious way: kissing a girl. There's a second way if you, like me, don't have the option of kissing someone the same gender available to you. Just think about it, Quinn. What do you feel?"

"Well, I've always been sort of attracted to girls – "

He cut her off. "Stop, stop right there. Forget all about attraction for a moment, would you? Because – contrary to popular belief – your sexuality is more than attraction. I mean what do you _feel _towards women?"

"Elaborate, please," Quinn sighed helplessly.

There was a moment of silence before Kurt spoke again.

"Close your eyes," Kurt said and Quinn obeyed. "Alright. Now, picture your future for a second. When you picture yourself as an adult how do you see yourself?"

The blonde blew out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding and began to imagine. "I-I'm still in Lima," Quinn began, "I have a kid or two. I have a moderately well paying job. I'm dedicated to my job but not overly dedicated like my parents were. I'm still around for my kids. I have a relationship with them – a good one," She felt something warm trail down her cheeks. "And…"

"And?" Kurt prompted.

Quinn sniffed and continued. "I'm not alone," Quinn's voice wavered, "I'm with someone. I'm married." Quinn heaved. She didn't want to continue talking anymore. Suddenly, she just wanted Kurt to leave so she could cry.

"Who are you with, Quinn?" Kurt's voice was soft, a whisper.

"A woman," Quinn sobbed. "I'm with a woman, Kurt. A-And I love her."

Quinn opened her eyes to see Kurt sitting next to her on her bed. He had tears in his eyes, too.

"But does that really mean anything?" The blonde pressed. She still wasn't convinced.

"I don't know, Quinn. Does it?"

Quinn sighed. Kurt had turned it back to her and she hated it. All this was such a huge headache. Why did it have to be so hard? Why couldn't it just be black and white? Why did their have to be so much grey?

"I think I need more to go off before I label myself," she replied.

"Well then, I guess there's only one thing left to do," he said simply, smiling at her. Quinn could practically see the wheels turning in his head.

"What's that?" Quinn asked dumbly.

The boy scoffed; he was apparently shocked that she didn't see his idea. "Are you not Brittany Pierce's best friend?"

Quinn was confused. What did he –?

Oh.

_Oh._

A week later, Quinn stood in front of Kurt's locker with a cluster of nerves in her stomach. Just before she was about to chicken out of the plan Kurt and her had so carefully and cautiously crated, Kurt finally showed up.

"I'm not sure about this, Kurt," Quinn instantly blurted out when he approached his locker. "It's just so risky. And if S were to find out, she'd kill me."

Kurt put his hand on the nervous blonde's shoulder and said in a clam, yet stern tone, "Quinn, _relax. _Don't worry about Santana – I can distract her long enough so you can get Brittany alone. Just stop worrying, would you? Everything's going to be fine. I promise."

Quinn swallowed thickly. "Okay. Okay, I'm fine. I can do this."

Kurt grinned. "That's the spirit!"

And so, the two parted ways for their first period. The day continued on pretty normally for Quinn after her near nervous breakdown that morning. There was nothing out of the ordinary – except for her. She was different. She knew that whatever happened after Glee this afternoon would change her forever.

When it finally came time for Glee that afternoon Quinn felt like she might puke. There was so many risks, so many things that might happen, but Quinn knew she had to take that risk. If she didn't, she would regret it.

For the last few minutes or so of Glee, they got some free time to brainstorm ideas for the new assignment and talk amongst themselves. Here was Quinn's opening.

She tapped the blonde's shoulder. "B," she whispered into her ear.

Brittany jumped and turned around, obviously caught off guard, but relaxed when she saw it was just Quinn. "Oh, hey Q. What's up?"

"Do you think you could wait up for me after Glee? I need to talk to you about something."

Brittany agreed with a smile, always happy to help. Quinn met Kurt's gaze and nodded to let him know things were going according to plan.

After Glee, Quinn slowly walked up to Brittany.

Brittany grinned when she saw her. "So what is it you wanted to talk about, Q?"

"Actually," Quinn replied nervously, "I think it'd be better if I… showed you."

The dancer looked extremely confused and Quinn knew she had to act fast before she lost her nerve. She took a few steps closer to Brittany and…

But before anything could happen, the pair was interrupted by the choir room door flying open, revealing a flustered looking Rachel Berry.

"Oh," Rachel breathed, "pardon me, Quinn, Brittany. I just forgot my bag and it was absolutely necessary that I got it before I got home."

And suddenly Quinn was overwhelmed with so many feelings towards the talkative brunette that she couldn't contain it. As Rachel exited the room, Quinn quickly made a beeline to follow her out – leaving a confused Brittany behind.

"Berry!" Quinn exploded.

Rachel slid to a stop, nearly tripping over herself in the process. Normally, Quinn would've laughed. But now… Now things were different.

"Why – do you – have to be – _so _– infuriating?" Quinn demanded as she caught up with the shorter girl.

Rachel let out a little squeal of surprise. "Quinn, I admit, most of the time when you and the other glee clubbers are annoyed with me I can understand. I have a very large personality that's hard to handle at times – even my dads have told me that," Rachel gave a weak smile. "But now I honestly have no idea what it is that I have done to annoy you, Quinn. I mean, all I did was get my bag."

"God damn it, Rachel!" Quinn snapped. "It's not the fact that you got your stupid bag! It's the fact that you act like your this big, self-centered diva when I know you're not! You're the kindest, most forgiving girl I know. And even though you dress yourself in that god awful argyle and animal sweaters you're still drop dead gorgeous –"

"Quinn, what are you –?"

But before Rachel could finish her sentence, Quinn pressed her lips to Rachel's. And instantly, there was an explosion of sparks and she knew that this was how kissing was supposed to feel like. Quinn felt herself moan and felt Rachel move closer to her to deepen the kiss.

And then, she felt herself push Rachel roughly off of her.

Mortified, Quinn felt herself take multiple steps back away from Rachel.

"Quinn," Rachel breathed, opening her big brown eyes to look at the shaking blond.

"Please," Quinn begged, holding up a hand to silencer the diva. "Please, Berry, just this once, _shut_ _up_. Oh, oh God, I can't believe… How could I let myself…?" She let out a little whimper and felt her legs begin to tremble. She felt like she might trample over Rachel, or even vomit all over her, maybe even both.

"Quinn," Rachel spoke again, "I know this must be hard for you to understand but I can –"

"No!" Quinn roared. "You can't do anything, okay? You can't do anything and you especially cannot help me. And even if you could, _I don't want your help. _I just want to forget this whole thing happened. Oh God, is that the time?" Quinn suddenly caught a glimpse of the clock on her phone. "I have to go I have… plans with someone," Quinn didn't know why she was giving the girl an explanation of her departure; she just felt she owed it to her. "Look, whatever you do, never mention this to anyone. Ever. Not even your dads, got it?"

Rachel nodded mutely, seemingly unable to find any words.

And with that, Quinn quickly left the hallway and returned home.

She couldn't believe what had just happened. She just couldn't.

**STEP THREE: DENIAL**

When Quinn Fabray entered the room, she found a very content Kurt sprawled across her bed and reading one of her _Seventeen _magazines. When he heard her enter and close the door, his face lit up.

"Hey! I was beginning to worry about you. How'd it go?" Kurt asked, tossing the magazine carelessly to the side.

"Leave." Quinn heard herself saying.

The brunette nearly choked on his own saliva. "Excuse me?"

"I said,_ leave_!" Quinn shrieked, suddenly grabbing the hem of Kurt's shirt sleeve and pooling him off her bed. The boy's eyes widen, his face going pale. He began to tremble, but Quinn didn't feel guilty like she should have. She didn't feel anything at all; she was numb.

When Quinn spoke again, she had the same cold, bitchy tone she had when she was in her Sophmore year and Captain of the Cheerios before glee club came along. "I'm not like you," Quinn lied. "And I don't need your _poison _disrupting my life."

Kurt felt tears well in his eyes but he quickly blinked them away. He wouldn't give Quinn the satisfaction of making him cry. "Well, if that's how you feel, Quinn, then I should go."

Quinn barely resisted from telling him that it had been her barking at him to leave first for the past few minutes.

Kurt began to approach the door. He twisted the doorknob and then cast a departing look at the former blond Cheerio. "You know, Fabray, I thought you were different. I thought being in glee club, and everything that happened sophomore year, I thought that changed you. I guess I was wrong. You're still the same hateful _bitch_ you always were. My mistake."

Quinn internally flinched.

The soprano exited and she watched him walk away down the street from her bedroom window. She wanted to curl up in a ball and sob her heart out for what she'd done, who she was, _what _she was. But she knew she couldn't, wouldn't.

She was Quinn Fabray. There was certain rules she lived by, being who she was. It was high time she ignored her feelings and began to live by those rules again.

The next few weeks Quinn spent focusing on becoming the person everyone else wanted her to be once again. But it was harder than before. Because now, she honestly wasn't that person. But she had to pretend.

She didn't dare show her face in Glee. Whenever someone asked why (normally S or B or Mr. Schue), she came up with an excuse. And then eventually, she finally got Mr. Schue alone and told him she was quitting. She didn't offer him an excuse, just walked out. She wasn't a huge loss vocally, anyway.

After she had officially quit Glee, she waltzed in Sue Sylvester's office with the same determination and poise that Sue always said she admired so much and demanded for her old spot back once again. It didn't take too much convincing: the Cheerios were weak without their three best dancers, and having the best one out of the three back would do wonders for the squad.

Joining Cheerios again wasn't entirely a bad thing. She did love dancing, always had. But she'd be lying if she said she loved it as much as she once did. Her heart just wasn't in it anymore.

But still, it provided a good distraction and an equally excuse to work herself to the bone without people questioning too much. She needed to get back in shape for Cheerios. People understood.

Except that no one understood, not really. Well, no one except for Kurt Hummel and maybe even Rachel – because honestly, Rachel Berry was incredibly intuitive She probably had figured out the truth by now. And she hoped with all her heart that Kurt had gotten past his anger at her to understand what was going on. She hoped he didn't hate her too much.

Soon enough, people were starting to part once again when they saw her in the hallway. She had to admit, she had missed that feeling.

But one thing she absolutely _hated _was the fear when people saw her. It especially hurt whenever she saw it on one of her old friends from glee club's faces. It was as if they expected her to slushie any one of them at any moment. Knowing this nearly killed her. But she understood it was all mandatory that they fear her – she was at the top of the social pyramid, after all.

So the year progressed on. Weeks of not being in Glee turned into months, and with each passing day she was getting more used to the feeling of numbness that she forever felt these days.

Quinn's mother, on the other hand, was practically jumping for joy. Quinn knew that Judy Fabray had missed what she probably referred to in her mind as "the old Quinn" and now she had her back. Everything was as it should be. Quinn even had a boyfriend again.

She knew she should feel happy. This is what she wanted, right? But she absolutely loathed herself. It wasn't even about her sexual orientation anymore – it was about her as a person. She didn't like who she had let herself become.

Then, one day as she was putting her books away and getting ready to go home, she heard someone clear their throat. She turned around and saw none other than the short frame of Rachel Berry. A strong wave of déjà vu hit her.

The blond opened her mouth to tell her to leave, but Rachel cut her off before she could get a word out.

"Please, before you tell me to leave like I know you were planning to, just let me say this." Rachel said. "Look, Quinn, I know you're going through a lot recently. I can't possibly begin to imagine what all you must be going through. I know it's tough, but you can't keep lying to yourself. It's time you started to acknowledge, accept, and love who you are. Being cruel to people, pushing your friends away, dating a guy… that isn't how you do it. I – and Kurt – forgive you for what you did. We still love you, Quinn, even more now. Sure, Kurt's hurt, but he understands. He's your friend, Quinn. As am I, along with everyone else in Glee club."

Quinn didn't realize she had been crying until she let out a loud, shaky gasp. "Rachel," she whispered, "I'm so –"

"I know, Quinn. I know."

"What do I do now?" Quinn asked, wiping the tears off her cheeks.

Rachel smiled warmly. "I have a few suggestions."

**STEP FOUR: ACCEPTANCE  
><strong>_Three Months Later _

Acceptance didn't come easily for Quinn. It was something she struggled hard with over the months, but finally she was starting to get comfortable with herself, it only just a little bit.

After her conversation with Rachel, Quinn quit the Cheerios for good and re-joined New Directions just in time for Nationals, where they won first place. When she explained to the Glee Club why she had quit in the first place, they all accepted her full-heartily. Her coming out even inspired Santana to come out as a lesbian ("because if you of all people can get over your repressed ass and come out, then I can too), and Sam to come out as bi-sexual.

As for her mom, she hadn't made the move to tell her just yet. Truth was, she wasn't one-hundred percent sure if her mom was homophobic or not, so she figured she would test the waters and subtly slide hints in conversations before she took the big jump. But even if her mom did kick her out, she was confident that she had the right support and more than a few people willing to let her room with them for a while before she got back on her feet.

In the months following her denial stage, she had even landed herself with a girlfriend – and a fairly hot one, if she did say so herself. Sure, Rachel talked a lot and had more than enough ego for the both of them, but she was the best girlfriend anyone could ask for. And that's all Quinn could ask for at this point in her life.

Quinn Fabray didn't know where she would end up in the future. She didn't know whether she would follow her girlfriend out of Lima and on with her during her endeavors in NYC becoming a Broadway star or if she would stay in Lima. She didn't honestly have an answer to any of the questions any of the adult figures in her life asked her as senior year came to an end. She thought she might enroll in NYU to become a photographer (a secret passion of her's ever since she could remember). She just knew that, wherever she ended up in life, she had people that accepted her.

And to think this whole journey started off with her stealing a pamphlet from Ms. Pillsbury!


End file.
